My mind is still swirling from the events of last weekend. I still don't have my thoughts formed to where I can convey what happened there. I hate to say it but I was not affected in the same way many of the attendees were. But none the less, I was affected. God showed up. His presence was felt every minute.
I will try to share a bit at a time, as I process what God said. But I need to go back aways so that the whole story is documented here. Why? That will eventually be revealed. For now, let us journey back several weeks so that I can explain.
I shared in an earlier post that God was speaking to me about a few things. The biggest thing was my struggle with how I felt about money and really dealt with money. It was an idol which I hate to admit and I sure didn't trust God to provide when we didn't have enough to cover bills or to buy what I wanted (selfish I know!). Now, hear me when I say this, I didn't ever believe that it was MY money. I always knew it belonged to God. I did not have nor do I have an issue with tithing or offering or donating money. Truth be told, if I could give it all away, I would. Especially when it comes to the things that blesses God's heart. But, I did have an issue with it. I wanted to get past this obstacle. I wanted to live life the way God called us to. I wanted to give it all away and stop being a slave to it.
One night during our family devotions, we were reading the parables in Matthew 13. I had just admitted that this season God had me in was very painful and I couldn't understand why. I was fighting Him on it and wasn't sure why that was. So, during this devotion time and reading through the parable of the good grain seeds that were being sown, the enemy came to sow weeds amongst it. God kept repeating that I had good seed, it was time to uproot the bad that was still there. Again, through out these parables, God kept repeating that good seed was sown, but the weeds needed to be uprooted. Later in that parable, it's decided that when the harvest time comes, the weeds will be uprooted and bound together and burnt. We also talked about the parable of the mustard seed and how just the smallest incling of faith is all God needs to work with in us. I meditated on these things throughout the night and into the next day. Praying, asking God to show me what needed to be uprooted.
While in the shower (sorry, but that's my prayer closest and often times the only place I can hear God clearly), I kept getting a vision of a tree. As I thought about it, I was reminded of a house we lived in while in Texas. The front yard had a huge tree at one point but had been cut down and the stump removed. We couldn't get grass to grow. So my sweet man and I decided to till up the yard, add some good soil and plant grass seed. While Kevin tilled up the yard, he found the old root system from the tree that had not been removed with the rest of the tree. These roots were long and tough. To remove them was much harder than you would imagine. God spoke to my heart at this point and said,"This is what I am doing with you. You had a tree(believing that money was my only way to have security) that was cut down. You allowed me to remove the stump. You weren't ready for me to remove the roots, but now you are." I had such peace at that moment and stopped fighting God. That night I did a study on roots through out the Bible. Yes, they run deep - Jesus's love for us, the root of David. Yes, even on a tree that has been cut down, if the stump is not removed and still receives water, it will still sprout. To remove the roots, they often need to be yanked out. I know, nothing surprising but I knew that I needed to get to a point where I could say to the LORD,"Go ahead! YANK the roots out!!! No more fighting You on Your best for me." I came to that point that night and it felt so good to release it.
For months, my husband and I had been praying about what we had hoped would be a financial blessing for us and others around us. We would learn if we received that blessing a few days after these revelations from the LORD. I told the LORD, no matter if we received it or not, I would love Him and would trust that His best would be given to us. Well, we didn't get the blessing. I was disappointed. I took it to the LORD and in His faithfulness He revealed why I was so disappointed. I took it to mean He didn't love me. For me, for those in authority over me, I believed that the only way to show their love for me was by buying things or giving me things. My dad, his dad, etc... paid me to show me love. Not sure that makes sense to folks but to me it did. So, when God didn't bless us with that windfall, well, my normal reaction would be to think I wasn't good enough. God didn't love me. I had done one more thing wrong and didn't deserve to be loved. But at that moment, I realized just how much God did love me. How precious I was in His sight. It was freeing. In that moment, money lost it's power over me.
Do you have any roots that need to be yanked up?
Seeing the World Through His Eyes,
Laurie
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