Exhaustion has set in

Im suppose to go to Ethiopia in march but I don't think that's going to happen. The fundraising isn't going well. Ok, not at all. It's a tough time to ask people for money or buy things when Christmas just happened. Hard to believe it was just a month ago. Or if you pay attention to Russian or Ethiopian Christmas, that was at the beginning of January. Hard to believe that January will be over in just a couple of days. Literally. I don't even want to put the need out there. Honestly, I feel safe here because I don't have a huge following so I can express my sadness and not feel guilty. ;-)

Overall, life is good. God has started a work in me and I'm not enjoying this pruning/healing season. Not really sure where he's going with it right now, but it's started. A shift is happening. Then add this wanting, believing I'm suppose to go back to Ethiopia with because every mother matters, and well, there is some stress. A lot of thinking. Not enough praying. Trying to listen and yet my life is too busy with outside noise to hear clearly. Add on top of that, we will be finding out if we are moving again in 6 months or not at the end of March beginning of April and that adds another level of stress. Why? Well, our house needs to be ready to be put on the market - this includes painting EVERY. SINGLE. ROOM. AGAIN. In less than a 2 year period. Replace the carpet that our renters destroyed. And a whole mess of others things. No, my hope is to never rent a home I own again. I have never walked in to a home that was less than 5 years old and it looking like it was 20! Yes, it was that bad! Truthfully we are praying we are staying because one of my BFF's and her family are moving this way - maybe, most definitely. That will take off some of the stress for us.

So, back to the exhaustion part. I am probably carrying to much of this burden. I'm still learning to trust God at a whole new level, so I am holding onto things that are near and dear to my heart. I have found that I am so insecure right now that I can't stand it. Doesn't make sense to me. I'm striving for success and failing miserably! I cant even get some paypal buttons up and working right for the trivets and coasters. :( I don't want this to be a pity party. Just needed to vent some. Sorry about that.

Want am I thankful for? A roof over our heads. Food on the table. 4 beautiful, smart kids who are really coming into their own. A husband who loves me. Clothes to wear. Annoying dogs that bark at night - all night. Why? Because it means I can hear. The warmth of the sun on my face after walking 5 miles in the wind. Telephone calls to friends and family who make you smile. Saying,"I love you!" and meaning it to those who are around you. The ability to worship the one true God. To dance and not care if anyone is watching. Knowing that Jesus died on the cross for me so that I may have eternal life with him. And so many other things! Thank you for the attitude check!

Be blessed and glorify God through the light that shines through you!

STWTHE,
Laurie