Letting love in

The days flew by while in Ethiopia. To be honest, my first few days, I didnt think I would make it through two weeks of climbing mountain sides to visit mamas. Hearing their stories broke my heart and yet I wouldn't allow myself to get emotional or feel much. I needed to be clinical and yet, that wasn't working. The moment we would walk into a home that was 1/3 the size of my living room, that housed 5 people in one room, I couldn't escape my selfishness. My need for things to make me complete. I was ashamed as I thought of my excess and their need. Beginning with the first mama that we visited, God kept whispering,"Let love in.". I hadn't realized how much I was holding back from these ladies. Letting love in would mean I would have to allow their story to get personal. To really touch my heart. Was that even possible?


I think the first day we visited 14 mamas. My "job" was to document their story. To write it all down. As much detail as possible. This wasn't about me and as soon as I got that deep in my soul, I was able to see more. Hear more. See behind the surface things these ladies wanted us to hear and start seeing the truth. Though they were not verbalized. What I saw was pain. Humiliation. Desperation. Bits of hope, though for some, hope was fading quickly. I saw so much beauty in these women. All I wanted to do was grab hold of them and tell them that they weren't failures for the things that happen. Just because their husbands were te.fa (gone) didn't make them unworthy. They were qo.n.jo (beautiful). It would not have been a lie. It would have been a truth they so needed to hear and know.

Letting love in. That is one of the hardest things to do in this world. So much hurt happens. Forgiveness sometimes comes in layers. What we often think is love is something that is far less. Letting love in means giving of yourself. No holds bar. Giving all of yourself without holding back. Without wanting something in return. Isn't that what Jesus did for us? Isn't this what God was asking me to do for these ladies? Letting love in - that was what was happening with each step up a steep hill. Each step took me to a new place, a new level that would allow me to feel for this woman who just needed a little encouragement. Even after falling, scraping my knee, twisting my ankle, I wouldn't allow my pain to overshadow the hearing of their stories. Oh, don't get me wrong! I wanted to quit. I cried because it hurt. I wanted to be done with this trip. It was the hardest thing I think I've ever done and we were only on day TWO! I'd much rather have given birth naturally 4 times again than take one more step up a mountainside. But soemthing welled up inside of me. Maybe part of it was pride. Being the oldest member of the team and the least in shape may have been part of it, but I'd like to believe it was because I had the anointing of the Lord on me at this point, and knew he had entrusted me with a voice for these women.

So we bandaged me up, grabbed a coke along with a quick rest and moved on out to visit more mamas. By the end of the day, I was tired. I was still hurting. I was heartbroken. I was sad. Yet, I was happy and very thankful for the opportunity to get a glimpse into the lives of these women and their families. I knew I was doing what God asked me to do, LET LOVE IN.


STWTHE,
Laurie