The machine won

This was such a hard weekend. It was me VS the machine. What machine? The sewing machine. Everything I put my hands to working on this weekend just did not happen. The machine jammed more times than I care to remember. It even tore the fabric a couple of times. I know what??? Never had that happen before but it did. So, I left the machine alone yesterday and did things that could be done by hand. Got several of my orders completed so those will be going out today!!! Yipppeeeee!!!! I have cut out a new purse and will be sewing that and the messenger bag!!!! So excited.

Quick question, have you ever been disobedient while being obedient? Well, God spoke to my heart yesterday about that. You see, I had wanted to add a few projects to our sale. I was so excited about them. I thought, well, if I make 10 of these and sell them for $X, that will net us $X and it will get us that much closer to Anna. I'm still making handmade items. I'm doing what God said - Right? Yay, not so much. While listening to our sermon yesterday at church, it was all about obedience. It was about doing EXACTLY what God said to do. Not taking away from it. Not tweaking it to fit what you think should be happening. Not adding to it. In fact, in John 2:5, Mary tells the servants at the wedding in Cana,"Whatever He says to do, JUST DO IT!" (emphasis mine).  Can you imagine if Jesus said before making his journey to the cross,"Well, Father, I think, Me, taking the 30 lashes is all I need to do to save these people." or " Ok, Dad, I'll die on the cross but can you add a few more nails and piercings so that We can make sure the deed is done:"?  No, nothing was added or taken away from the death and resurrection of the Only One who could save us.  While sitting in that pew, God spoke to my heart and gently rebuked me saying He didn't call me to do all these extra projects. He called me to sew purses for now.  So, why did I think I needed to add to it?   I don't know if anyone will buy anything else I ever make. All I know is that I have to do what He tells me. He will provide the funds for our sweet blue-eyed angel to come home. I have to TRUST Him in this. I have to do EXACTLY what He has asked me to do. He told a sweet friend the weekend He confirmed that Anna Christine was ours that the money would be provided. I have to TRUST in that. I have to TRUST in the God I claim to follow. The Jesus I claim to be sitting at the right hand of the Father. The Holy Spirit I claim to be with me, dwelling inside of me to give me the capabilities to get things done that I have never done before. So, that's what I choose to do. Do it EXACTLY the way God tells me. To. Do. EXACTLY. WHAT. HE. HAS. TOLD. ME. TO. DO! Not adding to, not taking away from. EXACTLY what He speaks to my heart about. Anna will come home. Anna is the little sister to the big kids in this house.   Anna is our daughter. 

I'm not sure my thoughts will make much sense to most of you.  I didn't sit down to right this post.  I was going to do a short update and that was that. But this is what is coming out.   Doing what God says is a simple concept and yet why has it taken me so long to get it?  I don't know.  Maybe the fact that I am a mom to a child I have never met, with a heart that aches for this child, who looks at the picture on my fridge and sees nothing but sadness in her eyes, no smile, no joy and so desperately wants to bring her home to hear her laugh.  To kiss those sweet chubby 2 year old cheeks.  To see her eyes dance with joy.  To snuggle up with her while being surrounded by my other 4.  The point?  I will do WHATEVER it takes to get her home.  That's why I was adding to my list of things God said to do.  I just wanted to get her home faster!!!

 I know we just started this process but now I get it.  NOW I understand the desperation a  mom who is adopting a child feels.  To get that child, your child, home.  Where you know she is safe.  Where you can see her blossom into the woman God wants her to be.  Where she can feel and know the love of Jesus through her mommy, daddy, and sisters and brothers.  I get it.  Don't get me wrong.  I never dismissed or under valued the feelings that friends and many of you have gone through already.  That desperation, that want, that whatever you want to call it.  I just get it now.  It's real to me.  That's why I was being disobedient.  That's my poor excuse for disobeying God.

So, LORD, please forgive me for my disobedience and multitude of other sins.  You know my heart was not to disobey but in it, I was not trusting you.  LORD, you are the God of my days, The KING of my nights.  I can trust in You and Your perfect timing.  LORD, I TRUST You!  I Trust that you will bring our little girl home.  I TRUST that You will show us the way, bring in the money, and know that every step will be ordained and directed by You.  The God of the Universe.  The One who holds us in the palm of His hands.  Thank you LORD for loving me so much that you wouldn't allow me to continue working in my own strength.  Thank you God, for knowing exactly what needed to be done when Jesus took His journey to the cross.  Thank you Jesus for taking the journey so that we, the sinners, could be reconciled back to and join you in heaven when our day comes.  I praise you Father for who you are.  You are my best friend.  The lover of my soul.  The giver of life.  My bread. My portion.  My everlasting love.  My banner.  The One that goes before me, to protect me, my stronghold. My shelter in the storm.  You are so much more than I can express right here on this page.  Thank you God for choosing my family, me, to walk with you.  To know you.  To love you.  In Jesus' sweet, glorious, wonderful, miraculous NAME!!!

So off to do school with the kids, post office and sewing!!!!  I am excited.  It's a new day with a new perspective. Thank you God for your mercies being new everyday!

STWTHE,
Laurie