Do you ever wake up and have a thousand things going through your mind and think,"Oh, I know what needs to be said?" That's how my day started. I got up, said good-bye to my main man and came straight to the computer, knowing that I wouldn't forget anything that was running through my head! Yeah, that is where I went wrong. Thinking I had some really good points to make today in this post.
I guess really what's going on is there isn't a really good way to wind this one down. I mean, each point is a post in itself. A step on that ladder starting at A going to Z. So, I will kind of back up and start more at the beginning and see where it leads me.
I ended my post the other day with God won't give us a pass once we know. I have Biblical truth on that one: Proverbs 24:12 says,"Don't excuse yourself by saying, "Look, we didn't know." For God understands all hearts, and he sees you. He who guards your soul knows you knew. He will repay all people as their actions deserve." This is the New Living Translation. I had received this verse several times in a 12 hour period just a few weeks ago. I realize that when I get something at least three times, God's trying to get my attention about something. But this... let's just say He was making it known to me that I was well aware of many things and wasn't doing anything that was pleasing to Him about these situations and yet I wanted Him to show me what His will was for my life. I honestly thought it was a ministry for women who were headed towards divorce. I mean, I walked through it and was very close to divorce from my man about 7 years ago. How close you ask? Try $5 close. All it would have taken is him paying the last $5 and it would have been over!!! I just learned that bit of information a month ago. Shocking isn't it? But thanks be to God that He got a hold of me and transformed me into the wife that was better suited for him today. I tried to force my hand at a women's ministry and let's just say, I failed but in that failure I learned a great deal. I might share more about that time in our lives later on. If I start now, it will open a big can of worms that doesn't have anything to do with orphans or child trafficking or feeding the hungry or getting clean water to those who don't have it.
So, how did we get to this point? Seeing the World through God's eyes? That's a good question. One I have been pondering awhile. So, I think I need to back up quite a bit and see if I can figure it out. After the almost divorce, we had two moves. One to the northwest, where both of our boys were born and our lives started to change even more drastically. After 17 short months there, we moved to the east coast where God plopped us right into the middle of what would be the our greatest tour in the Army yet. We met some of the most awesome folks we could ever meet. We got loved on well and tried to love them back just as well. We learned and grew and were really like one big extended family. We grew in the Word and we grew spiritually by leaps and bounds. During that time, my love and I felt like we heard the LORD speak to us about adopting two children from Ukraine. We weren't sure what to think of that and shared it with just a couple of our close friends. Shortly after that, one of those close friends started their adoption process. We rejoiced with them, prayed with them and left before we got the chance to meet this precious soul. It was a quick process and amazed us. The cool thing was getting their call on that day known in the adoption world as GOTCHA day!!! It was even cooler because it was my bithday!!!! Now if that isn't a sweet gift then what is? This duty station (meaning the last) was a hard place to go back to. It's where we were headed for divorce, it has some really bad memories for us there but we went with open hearts and a determination to face the wounds and demons of the past all the while looking at it through God's eyes. Trusting He knew what He was doing sending us back to that place within a very short time. With God, we persevered and won the battle. There were failures, great disappointments and a loss of purpose there in many ways. But there was a lot of learning going on as well. We got to our current duty station and thought we could make a go of it. Again trusting that God knew what He was doing because we didn't want to come here!!! It's different, small town, people aren't overly friendly, don't have a Target (GASP!! I know!!!) but we could live here for a few years and move on. Well, we felt God moving us, asking us to open our hearts to the things He had for us. It was a struggle, at least for me. It meant having to close down all the things I wanted, reliquish what I thought was my dream - a women's ministry- and go after what broke His heart. But doesn't God hate divorce? Doesn't that break His heart?
One night at church, we had an altar call and I knew I had to go up and be prayed for but more importantly just be before the LORD. One of our Pastors spoke these words,"I have called you into ministry and you will minister. But it will be where I put you, not where you want to be." I felt a quickening in my spirit and I knew it was for me. I wanted to stand up and scream,"Yes, LORD, here I am! Send me. I will go whereever you lead." Of course, we all know that when you start to move in God's direction the enemy starts putting doubts into your head and so he did with me. But faithful is our LORD. He sent messages my way, reminding me of Sarah and how old she was when He promised her Isaac. I even laughed like she did!!! This happened over about a month period. Shortly after that the book Start Here by Josh and Bret Harris was released. If you haven't read their first book Do Hard Things or Start Here, I highly recommend them. They are written for teens but as as mom of a teen, I felt I should read them first to ensure that nothing "wierd" was being taught to my child. They are great honest, straight forward reads that are a call to this next generation to be extraordinary. It challenged me to give my kids more challening opportunities. Start Here is all about starting right where you are at. As I got to thinking about that, I realized how complacent I had gotten over the last several years. I got comfortable. I was expecting my kids to step outside of their comfort zones and yet, I wasn't doing that. I was hiding behind being "too busy" being a mom of 4 kids, homeschooling, etc... How could I expect them to do something when I wasn't ready and willing to do it?
During this time, I was also following a couple of adoption blogs. One family had brought home a sweet precious girl who had a heart problem. It was an intense month but God used that sweet angel in such an awesome way (and continues to even today) before she went home to see her ABBA in heaven. You can read about her over at All Are Precious In His Sight listed under blogs I follow. The other was a family who were bringing home two sweet precious angels with special needs. You can read about them over at Simple Surrender listed over there as well. God started showing me more and more about adoption and children with special needs.
Shortly after this, the first angel mentioned above whent home to heaven and the other two were home with their forver families, I started to get the itch. You mommies out there know what I'm talking aobut!!! The want and desire to have another child. That ache in your heart for that little soul that is knitted together with yours. I knew something was up and it was totally a God thing because I was happy and content. We were out of that diaper age. Everyone was moving into a more self-sufficient time of their lives. You know, little ones can eat by themselves, drink by themselves, get dressed by themselves, wipe their bums (not always perfectly) by themselves. I was excited. Perfect family (we are a strange sight to see here since we are a large family compared to those who are born and raised here. We get stared at a lot when we go out to eat.) 2 boys and 2 girls. What could be more perfect I ask? Then WHAM, I was hit by a mack truck wanting to have 2 (yes, I said 2) more children. Then, my Bella decides to inform me that same weekend that she thinks we need to have some little ones hanging around? I just about fell over. Was she kidding me? I mean the little boys can be a bit of a challenge at times. Was God playing a joke on me? I did inform my husband of all of this. His jaw dropped wider than I'd ever seen it drop before. So, Bella, Nantucket and I sat and looked through waiting children's photos over at Reece's Rainbow (love this non-profit). We found several that would fit into our family quite nicely. We showed pictures to dear ol' dad, the boys and they said no to each. Finally, my sweet, loving, hunk of a man made this statement to us,"Our son is a black African boy with curly hair." He then added," born in Ukrain." I laughed at my husband because I know he added that to see if God was really calling us to adopt. I told him,"Sweetie, you have just put a fleece out to God with what you think is the most impossible criteria. Let's see how God delivers on this one."
Leaving you in suspens for now.
Have a blessed day.
Seeing the world through His eyes
Laurie
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