It's been two years...
Since I've had a good night's rest.
He doesn't always sleep through the night.
Of being in super hyper vigilance mode.
He's a wanderer.
He's figured out how to open doors with knob covers on. :O
Where I've wondered if we made the right choice.
He didn't know life any other way.
Of questioning every single thing I know about parenting.
He's not a textbook case. What child is?
Of questioning whether I heard God call us to adoption.
Adoption is H.A.R.D!! (I know- not really a news flash!)
They come with baggage.
Of questioning my sanity.
Many times, I thought I was losing it!!
Of wondering what in the world did I do to my family?
Life was good prior to bringing the youngest prince home.
Of being lonely because friends just don't get it.
It's easier to walk away from the hard than get in the messy.
BUT
It's been two years...
Of loving a child not born of my body but born in my heart.
learning what true unconditional love means.
Of learning to parent a special needs child that was never given a chance.
Of learning how to communicate with a child that is nonverbal.
There are differences in the grunt sounds.
He does speak and we do understand.
His eyes are the window to his soul.
I have seen fear standing there.
And sadness.
Help Me!!! has tapped on the window to get my attention.
Love has made an appearance.
Of dying to self more often than not.
Of therapies. IEP meetings. ABA therapy. Countless doctor's appointments
Of finding the person behind the veil of neglect, malnutrition and medications.
He didn't know how to crawl (until he was 6).
He's learning how to jump.
He's learning to skip.
He can't swing without someone pushing him.
It's more fun that way anyway ;)
Of breaking through the fight or flight mode.
Of me finding my way through the hurts of this child to my own hurts
the things that bound us together without ever knowing each other.
feelings of rejection, of not being enough, not meeting the expectations of others
WE are enough. Because Jesus is enough.
Of seeing God's hand on my family.
He never makes mistakes.
His promise is true: He places the lonely in families.
Of resting in the knowledge that tomorrow comes with new beginnings.
Of many nights crying myself to sleep.
Joy comes in the morning.
Of finding the laughter that abounds out of a sweet boy
As he finds his words.
As he finds his strength.
As he finds himself.
It's been two years...
None of it has been easy. Not all of it has been joyful. But the journey has just begun. Tomorrow maybe harder than today. It may not. My family and I may suffer from secondary PTSD. We may not. What I do know is this, today we celebrate two years home. Today we celebrate my son laughing. Skipping, Trying to communicate. Today we rejoice in a boy finding a family who loves him unconditionally. He's precious. He's strong. He's moody.
He's a son.
My son.
Blessings and Hugs,
Laurie
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
Hello...
It's me, I was wondering if we could meet after all of these years....
Just kidding. Getting in on the Adele humour of her Hello song.
So, it really has been awhile. Over 2 years to be honest. A lot has happened during that time. Where to begin. I don't know. Truth is, I'm finding it difficult just to write. Anything. I feel the rumblings of words trying to escape. To break through the barriers that I've put in place to protect the innocent. You and me. ;) But the war is raging. The dam is starting to feel the pressure of my silence. The words are leaking out. Seeking refuge through my fingers. Begging to be written upon a page. Looking for a voice of their own. One to call their own.
Where do I start? In the present? The past two years?
Mix them up a bit?
Maybe this is more about me and processing what has happened the last few years. About finding the joy in writing and expressing myself through words once again. Embracing my calling. Encouraging others who might find this place. These words.
Maybe it's also allowing the words to flow so that I can find that voice once again. To give my words the voice they long for. To fan the embers back into a fire. To find a way to do some good in this world. Not just with words but through action. Sharing with others the things I love and care about. Pointing you to needs that are around us. Here in the United States as well as across the ocean. Calling others to action.
I don't know how often I will post. But I know that the rumblings are growing louder and louder. This was the first step. Putting aside the fears. Typing before editing. Just allowing the words to come as they may. I don't know what will be shared next. The present or the past or the passion. But I will find something to share with you. I don't know that anything will be worth reading. What I do know is that God has to be the one to breath life into the words that want to escape. That are begging for their release.
This is raw. This is almost unedited. Almost. It is what it is. Fear didn't win. Unless I refuse to push the publish button. :o
Blessings and hugs,
Laurie
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Making stuff again
I'm starting the process of making stuff again. Crayon Rolls and mega blocks and of course the coasters. There are new reduced prices =) Great time to get some stocking stuffers for the kids and simple gifts for that office party - a set of coasters and a coffee mug fit just about everyone :) So check it out. Like Seeing The World Through His Eyes on Facebook (click here or the badge over to the right) and see all of the new things being done.
Blessings to you all.
STWTHE,
Laurie
Blessings to you all.
STWTHE,
Laurie
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Long time posting.....
Wow!!! I can't believe how long it's been since I posted. Life has been downright busy. There were so many things happening behind the scenes here that I just didn't have time to share life here on the blog. I'm not even sure how much time will be afforded me in the coming months as life changes some more. So, here's some random things about the last several months.
Hubby was gone for a long while and is now home. Life as a military family does that sometimes. But he is back and we are trying to find our new normal. That's hard when his job keeps changing on us. lol. But such is life again as a military family. So, as he heads into his new job for a short time, we will embrace whatever God has for us at this time. Embrace what he is to learn and take that with us to the next job he goes into around June 2014 time frame. No, it's not usual for a military man to change jobs so often but the last 12 months have been anything but usual where we are. All of these things have been abnormal for different reasons (positions needing to be filled temporarily for one reason or another) and therefore has caused him to change jobs because he is the best "fit" or so "they" say. He's learned a lot and has done all of this with a lot of grace and ease.
Our homeschool has a taken a turn in what we are doing. I'm not much for co-ops. Not because they are bad things but because they take a lot of time. I'm very selfish with that time. But this year, we are not involved in just one, but two co-ops. We sort of like them and sort of don't. Like I said, I am very selfish with my time and these two days of giving up what I want to be teaching so that they can experience other things and other teaching ways.... Let's just say, my laying down of what I think should be happening is much more difficult than I thought would be the case. :) But I am learning and growing through these experiences as are the kids. The fact that we don't really have a routine is good and bad. Good because we are in a season of being flexible. Bad because this season is not exactly my favorite when I know what I want to be teaching. LOL. But I know God is using all of this for his glory to teach myself and the kids a few lessons about diligence and endurance and not being legalistic about things.
We've had the roof over our garage on the house we aren't living in collapse and leaks in several areas. Appliances break in that same house. All of it has been fixed. Had my washer break here and had to buy a new one. Then my car started acting up, that was a pretty penny to fix. There was something else and I can't think of it right now but you get the drift. So, can you say we are adopting?
On that note. Here's an adoption update.... It's moving forward. We were officially matched with D back in September. A couple of weeks after hubby came home as a matter of fact. We had no idea our dossier had been submitted until 4 days later, we were told of that surprise. Then when we got a call 2 days after that saying we had been matched, we were floored. Took less than a week to get the approval from our son's country. Then the information flood gates opened up on our guy. His story.... no way to describe it honestly. Getting pictures of him..... Let's just say this momma's heart was tremendously blessed. It was an awesome day since all six of us were together to get them. We signed our LOA about a week later and our i800 has been submitted. God knows what needs to happen and so we will wait patiently for him to say go. We are ready for him as best as we can be right at this point. Boys' room is all ready. Bed made. Stuffed toys waiting to be snuggled with. Lots of cars and trains awaiting to be played with. Clothes washed and put away. The only thing I don't have for him yet is a toothbrush and shoes. Toothbrush - honestly I keep forgetting to buy one when I go to the store. Shoes because we want to know his measurement to try to get the best fit possible. Brothers and sisters await eagerly for the new addition.
So life in general is moving along. Lots of changes on the horizon. Lots of changes now. But God is with us every step of the way. When fear sets in, God always reminds me just where he is. Right here with me. He has gone before us to make the crooked paths straight. Learning to trust in so many new ways as we face some unknowns. But what I do know is the ONE who holds us as we trust in his navigation of all that is set before us. All I have to offer during this time is empty hands lifted high as I kneel before the throne of the One who calls us his.
Thanking Jesus for this journey. May he bless you as you travel your road of trusting him completely.
STWTHE,
Laurie
Hubby was gone for a long while and is now home. Life as a military family does that sometimes. But he is back and we are trying to find our new normal. That's hard when his job keeps changing on us. lol. But such is life again as a military family. So, as he heads into his new job for a short time, we will embrace whatever God has for us at this time. Embrace what he is to learn and take that with us to the next job he goes into around June 2014 time frame. No, it's not usual for a military man to change jobs so often but the last 12 months have been anything but usual where we are. All of these things have been abnormal for different reasons (positions needing to be filled temporarily for one reason or another) and therefore has caused him to change jobs because he is the best "fit" or so "they" say. He's learned a lot and has done all of this with a lot of grace and ease.
Our homeschool has a taken a turn in what we are doing. I'm not much for co-ops. Not because they are bad things but because they take a lot of time. I'm very selfish with that time. But this year, we are not involved in just one, but two co-ops. We sort of like them and sort of don't. Like I said, I am very selfish with my time and these two days of giving up what I want to be teaching so that they can experience other things and other teaching ways.... Let's just say, my laying down of what I think should be happening is much more difficult than I thought would be the case. :) But I am learning and growing through these experiences as are the kids. The fact that we don't really have a routine is good and bad. Good because we are in a season of being flexible. Bad because this season is not exactly my favorite when I know what I want to be teaching. LOL. But I know God is using all of this for his glory to teach myself and the kids a few lessons about diligence and endurance and not being legalistic about things.
We've had the roof over our garage on the house we aren't living in collapse and leaks in several areas. Appliances break in that same house. All of it has been fixed. Had my washer break here and had to buy a new one. Then my car started acting up, that was a pretty penny to fix. There was something else and I can't think of it right now but you get the drift. So, can you say we are adopting?
On that note. Here's an adoption update.... It's moving forward. We were officially matched with D back in September. A couple of weeks after hubby came home as a matter of fact. We had no idea our dossier had been submitted until 4 days later, we were told of that surprise. Then when we got a call 2 days after that saying we had been matched, we were floored. Took less than a week to get the approval from our son's country. Then the information flood gates opened up on our guy. His story.... no way to describe it honestly. Getting pictures of him..... Let's just say this momma's heart was tremendously blessed. It was an awesome day since all six of us were together to get them. We signed our LOA about a week later and our i800 has been submitted. God knows what needs to happen and so we will wait patiently for him to say go. We are ready for him as best as we can be right at this point. Boys' room is all ready. Bed made. Stuffed toys waiting to be snuggled with. Lots of cars and trains awaiting to be played with. Clothes washed and put away. The only thing I don't have for him yet is a toothbrush and shoes. Toothbrush - honestly I keep forgetting to buy one when I go to the store. Shoes because we want to know his measurement to try to get the best fit possible. Brothers and sisters await eagerly for the new addition.
So life in general is moving along. Lots of changes on the horizon. Lots of changes now. But God is with us every step of the way. When fear sets in, God always reminds me just where he is. Right here with me. He has gone before us to make the crooked paths straight. Learning to trust in so many new ways as we face some unknowns. But what I do know is the ONE who holds us as we trust in his navigation of all that is set before us. All I have to offer during this time is empty hands lifted high as I kneel before the throne of the One who calls us his.
Thanking Jesus for this journey. May he bless you as you travel your road of trusting him completely.
STWTHE,
Laurie
Friday, June 21, 2013
Summer Days...
Lazy days.
Days filled with laughter.
Sun.
Sun screen.
Swim suits.
The pool.
Laughter.
Friends.
Saying good-bye.
Making new ones.
Celebrating birthdays.
Waiting.....
Waiting.....
Waiting......
Still waiting for things to move forward in our adoption....
Waiting on our house to sell......
Waiting for news on whether we are moving or staying......
Waiting.....
Summer is good. God is better. His perfect timing is all we want as our boy awaits our arrival. Can't wait for that moment when he finally knows that he is wanted. Loved. Cherished. Until then, we are wading in the pool :). If you need us, that's where you will find us. Our preferred place to wait....
STWTHE,
Laurie
Days filled with laughter.
Sun.
Sun screen.
Swim suits.
The pool.
Laughter.
Friends.
Saying good-bye.
Making new ones.
Celebrating birthdays.
Waiting.....
Waiting.....
Waiting......
Still waiting for things to move forward in our adoption....
Waiting on our house to sell......
Waiting for news on whether we are moving or staying......
Waiting.....
Summer is good. God is better. His perfect timing is all we want as our boy awaits our arrival. Can't wait for that moment when he finally knows that he is wanted. Loved. Cherished. Until then, we are wading in the pool :). If you need us, that's where you will find us. Our preferred place to wait....
STWTHE,
Laurie
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Bumps, bruises, rocks and the weather
I haven't been updating much because life has been busy. We have been trying to finish up our school year and have done several field trips to help with that. Then the weather here where we are has been a bit crazy and devastating at times. Though we haven't been directly affected by it, it's still been in our neck of the woods and we have tried to do our best to support those who have been affected in major ways.
I had made a comment to a friend recently that we had had some pretty smooth sailing when it came to our adoption process. Don't get me wrong, we had some bumps and rabbit trails in our process but nothing like we have currently. We had our USCIS appointments at the beginning of May. We were excited. They were done and things were moving along. THEN it happened. Our first rock in the road. We got pink slipped for several things. One was they were looking for a background check on the hubs in a state he had never lived in. We got that one fixed with a little bit of wrangling but it got fixed nonetheless. The next issue was our oldest child. Not as easy a fix as we originally thought. We have had everything put on hold because we have a child turning 18 in about 5ish weeks and USCIS is wanting us to get her fingerprinted and background checks done locally as well as federally. Well, that's all fine and dandy except our current state will NOT release juvenile records. Not even with our child's consent and mine. Never mind that there are NO RECORDS to release. That was a bit of an ordeal that afternoon but we gave up and called our case worker to inform her of the issues we were having. All she could say to us at the time was, "Satan sure is working against you guys all of a sudden." I had to agree. So, with her help, we were granted an extension and now are praying that all the updates for the homestudy will be completed and fingerprinting (local and federal) will be completed and turned in before August 12th. There are a few other things that are standing in the way as well that I can't go into here. At least, not for now. We could use some prayers. God's will be done. I'll be happy if we can have our guy home before the end of the year at this point!!! But praying that he will be home much sooner than that.
We've got some bad weather again tonight. Tornado watches are in effect until midnight. Love tornado alley. Thank you all for the prayers.
STWTHE,
Laurie
I had made a comment to a friend recently that we had had some pretty smooth sailing when it came to our adoption process. Don't get me wrong, we had some bumps and rabbit trails in our process but nothing like we have currently. We had our USCIS appointments at the beginning of May. We were excited. They were done and things were moving along. THEN it happened. Our first rock in the road. We got pink slipped for several things. One was they were looking for a background check on the hubs in a state he had never lived in. We got that one fixed with a little bit of wrangling but it got fixed nonetheless. The next issue was our oldest child. Not as easy a fix as we originally thought. We have had everything put on hold because we have a child turning 18 in about 5ish weeks and USCIS is wanting us to get her fingerprinted and background checks done locally as well as federally. Well, that's all fine and dandy except our current state will NOT release juvenile records. Not even with our child's consent and mine. Never mind that there are NO RECORDS to release. That was a bit of an ordeal that afternoon but we gave up and called our case worker to inform her of the issues we were having. All she could say to us at the time was, "Satan sure is working against you guys all of a sudden." I had to agree. So, with her help, we were granted an extension and now are praying that all the updates for the homestudy will be completed and fingerprinting (local and federal) will be completed and turned in before August 12th. There are a few other things that are standing in the way as well that I can't go into here. At least, not for now. We could use some prayers. God's will be done. I'll be happy if we can have our guy home before the end of the year at this point!!! But praying that he will be home much sooner than that.
We've got some bad weather again tonight. Tornado watches are in effect until midnight. Love tornado alley. Thank you all for the prayers.
STWTHE,
Laurie
Friday, May 10, 2013
Update and HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!
Another month has gone by. My goodness!!! Where is the time going? What's going on around here? Lots and lots.
We've had two copperhead snakes right around us in the last week. The first one my boys jumped over the threshold of their door to get into a neighbor's house. The other was out front moving underneath my vehicle. I was a little nervous about it. It ended up going down into the storm drain in the street.
We had to say good-bye to those same neighbors today. They were the first to welcome us to the neighborhood and were such a blessing to us. Best friends having to say good-bye once again. My kids hate this part of being a military family, as do I. Constant change.
I have forgotten what it's like to be a military wife. I know that's a strange statement but the jobs my sweet man has had the last 5 years prior to this were behind the scenes, no interaction with families, and to be honest quite sheltered. It was boring at times and yet fabulous at others. But with this new job and position he is holding for just a short while longer, I have had to really step up and be out in the forefront which is not my most favorite place to be. Sorry, but I'm being honest. How does his position concern me being in the forefront? Well, as his spouse it puts me in a position to be the go to person for the spouses of our soldiers. The issues that I have had to deal with concerning the spouses have taken me by surprise. But I have found that I am more capable and more knowledgeable than I ever thought. It has SHOCKED me beyond belief. I guess I have paid attention when it was important to ;) The people I have met along the way are amazing. Ok, most of them are. There are about three of them that I don't fancy much. But I have limited to no interaction with them and I am quite content with that. I'm sure they are quite lovely people but our personalities are more like oil and water and just don't mix very well. Drama is not my forte and I just don't do well with those who like to live in their version of Army Wives.
Update on our adoption: We have had our biometrics done this past week. Our I800a is being processed. Hopefully it won't take 90 days to be completed. I have a couple more documents to obtain to complete the gathering process. 5 documents have come back with apostils on them. YIPPPPPEEEEE!!!!! Another group will be completed this next week, I hope, one set is already back in the state it needs to be in order to obtain it's apostil, and then the last group will be mailed off later next week (God willing) to be done. We got to send a package with some friends heading to our son's country tomorrow. He won't get it before we are officially matched but at least when that happens he will get it soon after. Our hearts are running over with joy and excitement as things seem to be moving forward. With all of the negative stuff happening around us these are the moments that breath life back into our weary souls.
We are still waiting to hear when/if we leave and where we will go next. I think I'm more impatient about this than going to get our son. Silly isn't it? I should be use to this process but I'm not. Delays irritate me but I'm sure there are reasons beyond my knowledge.
This isn't a play by play of the last month but a limited synopsis of it. The coming weeks will be just as busy with trying to get our school finished up for the year. Choosing new curriculum, I think. Change of commands. Change of positions. Saying good-bye to more friends and neighbors as they move on to their new duty stations. Events for our unit. Events to keep the kids busy and engaged. Bella graduating (OH MY!!!!!) and all of the other things going on in our neck of the woods.
Happy Mother's day to all of you who are, who have been, who will be a mom. To all of you who are single moms, know that you are doing a GREAT JOB!!! Even when you think you are screwing up, know you are not. You do the best that you can and when you give your kids the best of you - THAT'S THE BEST and what counts the most. I had a single mom and she didn't give us the best of stuff but the best of who she was. That's what I remember most. Not the other stuff. For those of you waiting to become moms or have lost your children, keep holding on. That day will come when you see your child(ren). Whether it's for the first time or once again. You are not forgotten in all of this though it may seem like it. For those of you in the throws of motherhood, keep fighting the good fight for your children. Continue to be their biggest advocate, cheerleader, comfy pillow (that's what Harry Yak calls me), their safe place to land when the world is turning upside down.
Each one of you, no matter the category, is important and loved. Precious and true. Keep being true to yourself and those around you. Stand strong and proud.
STWTHE,
Laurie
We've had two copperhead snakes right around us in the last week. The first one my boys jumped over the threshold of their door to get into a neighbor's house. The other was out front moving underneath my vehicle. I was a little nervous about it. It ended up going down into the storm drain in the street.
We had to say good-bye to those same neighbors today. They were the first to welcome us to the neighborhood and were such a blessing to us. Best friends having to say good-bye once again. My kids hate this part of being a military family, as do I. Constant change.
I have forgotten what it's like to be a military wife. I know that's a strange statement but the jobs my sweet man has had the last 5 years prior to this were behind the scenes, no interaction with families, and to be honest quite sheltered. It was boring at times and yet fabulous at others. But with this new job and position he is holding for just a short while longer, I have had to really step up and be out in the forefront which is not my most favorite place to be. Sorry, but I'm being honest. How does his position concern me being in the forefront? Well, as his spouse it puts me in a position to be the go to person for the spouses of our soldiers. The issues that I have had to deal with concerning the spouses have taken me by surprise. But I have found that I am more capable and more knowledgeable than I ever thought. It has SHOCKED me beyond belief. I guess I have paid attention when it was important to ;) The people I have met along the way are amazing. Ok, most of them are. There are about three of them that I don't fancy much. But I have limited to no interaction with them and I am quite content with that. I'm sure they are quite lovely people but our personalities are more like oil and water and just don't mix very well. Drama is not my forte and I just don't do well with those who like to live in their version of Army Wives.
Update on our adoption: We have had our biometrics done this past week. Our I800a is being processed. Hopefully it won't take 90 days to be completed. I have a couple more documents to obtain to complete the gathering process. 5 documents have come back with apostils on them. YIPPPPPEEEEE!!!!! Another group will be completed this next week, I hope, one set is already back in the state it needs to be in order to obtain it's apostil, and then the last group will be mailed off later next week (God willing) to be done. We got to send a package with some friends heading to our son's country tomorrow. He won't get it before we are officially matched but at least when that happens he will get it soon after. Our hearts are running over with joy and excitement as things seem to be moving forward. With all of the negative stuff happening around us these are the moments that breath life back into our weary souls.
We are still waiting to hear when/if we leave and where we will go next. I think I'm more impatient about this than going to get our son. Silly isn't it? I should be use to this process but I'm not. Delays irritate me but I'm sure there are reasons beyond my knowledge.
This isn't a play by play of the last month but a limited synopsis of it. The coming weeks will be just as busy with trying to get our school finished up for the year. Choosing new curriculum, I think. Change of commands. Change of positions. Saying good-bye to more friends and neighbors as they move on to their new duty stations. Events for our unit. Events to keep the kids busy and engaged. Bella graduating (OH MY!!!!!) and all of the other things going on in our neck of the woods.
Happy Mother's day to all of you who are, who have been, who will be a mom. To all of you who are single moms, know that you are doing a GREAT JOB!!! Even when you think you are screwing up, know you are not. You do the best that you can and when you give your kids the best of you - THAT'S THE BEST and what counts the most. I had a single mom and she didn't give us the best of stuff but the best of who she was. That's what I remember most. Not the other stuff. For those of you waiting to become moms or have lost your children, keep holding on. That day will come when you see your child(ren). Whether it's for the first time or once again. You are not forgotten in all of this though it may seem like it. For those of you in the throws of motherhood, keep fighting the good fight for your children. Continue to be their biggest advocate, cheerleader, comfy pillow (that's what Harry Yak calls me), their safe place to land when the world is turning upside down.
Each one of you, no matter the category, is important and loved. Precious and true. Keep being true to yourself and those around you. Stand strong and proud.
STWTHE,
Laurie
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